January 5th - Felix Manz Drowned

On this day, in 1527, Felix Manz, one of the leaders of the Anabaptist movement of Zurich, was executed by drowning. He was lucky not to have been executed in a Dutch oven. His last words before being bound and tossed into the water were "Into thy hands, O God, I commend my spirit and my mint condition Apostle Paul signature."

Felix was an Anabaptist and enjoys long walks on the beach. Anabaptist literally are re-baptisers. They practice adult (or believer) baptisms, as opposed to infant baptisms, or moody teen baptisms. People are baptised based on their acceptance of mighty God, aka mighty swinging Yorg.

In Felix's time Anabaptist's spent their days spreading the word of Yorg and performing baptisms upon request, which they were totally up for. The Anabaptists were not accepted by the Orthodox Church, and sometimes their offers of free baptisms were met with banishment and/or execution. When both banishment and execution were deemed appropriate the Anabaptist was forced out of town then hunted down like a dog and killed by a mob that wondered why they let him go in the first place.

These original Anabaptists were the forerunners of modern day religious movements like the Amish, the Quakers, and people who drive Volvos. They were also pioneers in the belief in the separation of church and state, freedom of religion, and diesel cars with a top-notch safety standard.

Felix was begat of an illegitimate relationship. He was well educated and knew many obscure languages, including French. As he grew up he questioned the traditions and workings of his church. Why did they have to go to mass when all the good cartoons were on? Why are church and state connected? And why are babies baptised? Babies haven't done anything so what makes them so special?

Felix had a barney with his spiritual leader Zwingli. He accused him of having a made up name, but it wasn't true. A number of parents were less concerned with the preacher's fanciful name and had decided they didn't want their children to be baptised. They looked to Felix as a leader. The city council stepped in and ordered the parents and Felix to stop arguing and to get on with the baby-dunking. The parents gathered at Felix's home and the group's first believer's baptisms were performed. Zwingli's power was broken and the first church of the Radical Reformation was founded.

The Radical Reformation was all about undoing the power and corruption of the Roman Catholic Church. The Mild Reformation was all about changing the Bishop's robes from red to maroon.

Felix became a central figure in the Anabaptist movement. he used his mad translating skills to spread the word like nobody's business. For his hard work he was tied up and drowned. The moral of the story is, don't piss off the Roman Catholic Church.