January 9th - First Auto-gyro Flight

On this day, in 1923, Juan De la Cierva made the first successful flight in an auto-gyro by flying his own prototype. An auto-gyro is like a helicopter, but unlike a helicopter that has rotating wings powered by an engine, an auto-gyro has rotating wings powered by aerodynamic forces and kindness. An auto-gyro is fueled with a special mixture of petrol and kittens.

Juan was a Spanish civil engineer, but you shouldn't hold that against him. He toiled for four years to make a machine that could let men soar like the birds before falling to the ground and having their spines broken like the birds. He developed many prototypes, each one more unlikely looking than the last. Finally he built the C.4 prototype and this would be his ascent to the heavens one way or another.

The C.4's big advantage was its hinged blades. This allowed them to absorb differing levels of life lift. This meant the C.4 didn't roll over in flight. Of course this was much less exciting for an adventurous pilot but the decreased rate of death was a great product feature.

Auto-gyros are also known as gyro-copters, rota-planes, and whirling limb-cutters of doom. They were used in     World War II, which isn't surprising because a lot of bad ideas were used in World War II. The Germans would tether an auto-gyro to their submarines so the pilot could act as a lookout for enemy ships. In the event of an attack the pilot and aircraft were considered expendable (presumably not by the pilot) and would be cut loose for glory and a slow descent into the briny deep.

Auto-gyros are inherently safe, apart from the risk of arms and legs being lopped. Their aerodynamics cause the blades to turn without power so in the event of engine failure the blades will turn enough to control descent. Juan proved this by putting his balls to the wall. A few days after his first successful flight he took another flight and had engine failure. The auto-gyro 's blade continued to turn while descending and Juan was spared. At least for now.

Other aircraft became jealous of the auto-gyro with its ability to not kill pilots on a regular basis. It must think it's the duck's plumbs. The aircraft of the world conspired to get back at Juan and they did. In 1936, Juan boarded a DC-2 aeroplane on his way to Amsterdam to smoke some wacky tabaccy. The plane took off but stalled and crashed onto the roof of a building. Juan was never seen again, until someone spotted his twisted corpse in the flaming wreckage.

Today, auto-gyros are flown for recreation purposes and are subject to some regulations. Pilots are free to jaunt in their death-rollers up to a maximum speed of 70mph. Flight is not permitted if there is more wind than a slight draft. If turbulence is encountered pilots are permitted, but not encouraged, to die in a death roll.