November 1st - The Sistine Chapel

On this day, in 1512, the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, painted by Michelangelo, was exhibited to the public for the first time. The painted ceiling depicts a number of famous religious scenes. When choosing what to depict Michelangelo used the common thread of frontal nudity.

The ceiling covers twelve thousand square feet, took four years to paint, and required no less than 769 trips to the local hardware store. It should have been less but it took a number of weeks for Michelangelo's shipment of skin-wash peach to arrive. The ceiling was Michelangelo's longest and hardest piece of work. That's what she said.

The Pope commissioned Michelangelo to paint the ceiling. Michelangelo thought the Pope's intentions were too grandiose for a house of God but he needed the money and he found carving willies out of marble too slow. Michelangelo leapt at the chance to increase his rate of willie output. After all, this is the goal of all artists.

A scaffolding system was needed for Michelangelo to reach the ceiling as he found it was difficult to create detailed willies when he simply flung paint at the ceiling from the ground. Michelangelo had an audience with the Pope to ask for the scaffold to be built. The Pope accommodated his request by ordering Michelangelo to build a scaffold.

The ceiling is of such a great height that perspective and proportion were a problem for the artist. At first he painted willies that were too small and during a visit by the Pope a papal decree was given that said "the willies should be bigger because everyone can appreciate that."

The ceiling includes over three hundred figures and many Biblical scenes. These include Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, the Great Flood, and the Creation of Adam by God, which includes the most famous willie ever painted.

The depiction of the creation of Adam is the centerpiece of the ceiling. It depicts a naked Adam reaching with an outstretched finger to touch the finger of God who is fully clothed. Many people have questioned why God is fully dressed. Does he have something to hide? Clearly, Adam's nakedness shows that he has nothing to hide. It really is quite small.

There is no explanation for God's bashfulness because he is extremely buff.

At one end of the ceiling the painting continues down to Michelangelo's fresco of The Last Judgment. Just to prove that it wasn't really the last judgment many people complained about the extraordinary numbers of willies in the depiction. A "fig leaf" campaign was undertaken to get the painted figures to cover up. This was done some years later by a different painter who painted over the willies with what can only be described as the most unlikely piece of fabric ever.

Today, the Sistine chapel is visited by millions of tourists every year. All agree that it is one of the greatest works of art in the world, although a few more willies wouldn't go astray.