December 5th - Cicero Reads Catiline Orations

On this day, in 63 BC, Marcus Tullius Cicero read his orations that exposed the plot of Lucius Sergius Catalina to overthrow the Roman government. He intended to pass a law that all Roman names must have -ius added to the end of them even if they already ended in -ius. Lucius already has his named changed by deed poll to Luciusius.

Cicero was a jack-of-all-trades; he was a philosopher, lawyer, constitutionalist, and samba afficianado. He did many things and it showed because he wasn't good at any of them. This didn't stop him becoming consul of Rome and exposing the Cataline plot.

Catalina was more focused than Cicero. He was simply an humble, hard-working politician. Also, he preferred Rumba. He had grand plans of becoming a member of the Roman consulship and become all-state rumba king.

Having failed in his bid to join the consulship the first time around, Cataline was determined to make it the second time, no matter the cost. He resorted to bribery, which was rather costly, but he was so committed he began bribing senators without hiding his shame or rumba dance-pants.

Cicero passed a law that was clearly aimed at stopping Catalina's machinations, which is a kind of rumba dance move where the girl slides acroiss the floor.

In response, Catalina plotted to murder Cicero like the fiery latin Lothario he so badly wanted to be. Cicero defended himself with mighty words in a speech to the Senate. They imposed senatus consultum ultimum, which is a real thing.

During the ultimum the consulship election was held and Catalina lost again. He was heard to shout in despair "Curse my fiery latin temper!" He planned on raising an army against Cicero but Cicero would use more words to stop him.

Cicero gave a stirring oration bemoaning the actions of Catalina and once again confirming salsa as the ultimate aphrodisiac. Catalina fled to a secret camp in the hills. he was tracked down and killed in battle.

Cicero milked it for all it was worth and gave two more orations on the topics ofconspiracy and marimba rythms. Catalina's co-consirators were executed. Rumba did not become popular again until the late 1980s.