December 11th - Cronulla Riots

On this day, in 2005, the people of Cronulla took to the streets for a celebration of diversity and tolerance, but what started as an act of love turned swiftly into an act of utter contempt. It sounds like every date you've ever been on. The result was a riot, and not in the fun way.

In the lead up to the December 11th riot, also known as the Funk Bust-UP!, there were reports of assaults against locals by groups of non-locals. The non-locals might have been Middle Eastern but nobody knows for sure, except for the people involved; the Middle Easterns.

A large crowd of angry white Australians gathered in support of the non-Middle Eastern people involved in the assaults. They asked the victims if they wanted violent, nonsensical retribution. They did, so it was go time.

The mob caught sight of a man of Middle Eastern appearance acting all Middle Eastern. They chased him into a hotel, which was probably a mosque (aka one of those churches they go to pray five times a day). The crowd weren't satisfied with chasing one possible Muslim into a possible prayer-church. They spotted two Middle Eastern looking youths on a train so they assaulted them. The victims looked down on this revenge and they saw that it was good.

Many rioters had been informed of the riot by an SMS that had been circulating the week before. It told the recipients that they should come to Cronulla for "Leb and Wog bashing." It also invited patrons to the new Cronulla Wheel, the fourth largest ferris-wheel in the southern hemisphere, children ride free.

Leb and Wog are colloquial Australian terms. Leb is short for Lebanese. Wog is a cover-all term that includes chinks, dinks, nips. gooks, pakis, ragheads, tar babies, wops, Russel Crowe, and the French.

Rioters turned up wearing t-shirts with cutting anti-wog slogans. All the classics were there, "Wog Free Zone", "No Lebs", "Ethnic Cleansing Unit", and who can forget "We grew here, you flew here", but what about these other great classics, like "Fuck Off Lebs" and "Lebs go home". These t-shirts are available right now, just call your local craft store and let your limited imagination run wild. It's great fun for kids and adults alike.

For the rest of the day and night there were general rioty type things. Windows were broken, cars were vandalised, and ambulance officers were injured in the line of duty. They were probably eating a kebab or spaghetti bolagnese.

Ignorance exists around the world but this will go down in history as the most ignorant day of all. Let's not fight because we don't know each other. Instead, let's embrace our differences. In fact, I'm going to the shops right now to buy a lebanese cucumber.